Saturday, June 5
Spent the afternoon with Andy from SHIP in Headingley. I was good and didn't buy any of the many CDs and books I wanted, and only one packet of sweets from the health food shop. Andy bought me lunch, a hummus and roasted veg sandwich from Citrus, and at 4 we decided to be heading back home. He invited me back to his, to drink wine and get stoned he said, but I felt I should come home, it would be safer here, I could collapse back into my misery again. Now I'm here I wish I had accept his offer. There's nothing I feel like doing. None of my books or magazines interest me. I have nothing to do online and no one to talk to. I feel fat and ugly but still slightly hungry so I'm trying to resist eating more. I don't have any energy so going for a walk is out of the question. The only enjoyable thing I can think of doing is sleeping but what do I do when I wake up? Simon said he'd come see me tomorrow, but not until 3 or 4 pm, as he's having his mother round for lunch. The dreary monotony is getting to me, and I don't know how to break it. And every time I think about Rory I want to cry.
18:34
