Alex has been staying with me so I haven't had time for any updates. He arrived for impromptu hugging, and has proved to be a worthy fellow hugger. He came with me to SHIP yesterday, I had him folding leaflets whilst I shouted at the photocopier. Afterwards we went round the shops for a short while before we came home. On the way up from the bus stop we came across
a cat who was happy to pose for some photos and accept our strokes. I think it was the same cat as what I saw
last Thursday. If it was, he was considerably less shy this week. Alex and I have also spent our time enjoying a pizza and we went to the cinema to see
The Saddest Music in the World. Initially I wasn't interested by the plot, I was expecting it to be depressing, which isn't something I need, but then I saw it was based on a screenplay by
Kazuo Ishiguro, whose work I love, so off we went.
The film kind of defies explanation. It was based in 1933, in the midst of the American Depression. A rich lady decides to hold a world wide competition to find which country has the saddest music in the world, in order to sell more beer. She used to be the girlfriend of the American entrant, until one day his father, the Canadian entrant, was drunk and after a car accident in which she damaged her leg, chopped off the wrong leg, and thus she lost them both. He wants to gain her forgiveness, she refuses to talk to him, and isn't keen on his son either. Then there's also the other son, the Serbian entrant (don't ask) whose wife inexplicably left him after their son died. She turns out to be the girlfriend of his brother (the American entrant). It's all a bit inbred, but very ace. I highly recommend it.
As we were walking to the cinema though, on the other side of the street there was a woman who I'm 98% certain used to be in my media class at college. I didn't leave in the best of moods with my fellow classmates, and my opinion of them disintegrated further after what happened with
her happened. I desperately don't want to be bumping into them in the future, it wouldn't be a good thing.
Speaking of people from the past who I'd rather didn't exist, Rory's going to visit
him and her today (not to be confused with
her or Simon and
her). I'm not particularly comfortable or happy with this, but I don't want to be the kind of woman who controls her partner with moods and silences. Plus I don't have any claim over Rory, he's a free being and is welcome to do as he wants. Expecting him to drop contact with friends just because things happened between me and them which hurt me and I now refuse to talk about isn't a very adult thing to do, and he wouldn't do it anyway. But still, I desperately don't want him to go. It feels like he's betraying me somehow, though how I haven't figured out yet. I don't have a problem with him going to visit to friends, or having sex with other people, and so on, it's just these particular people. I spoke to Simon about it, he said it's something I need to get over, what happened happened three years ago and it's time to move on. He said I should talk to them, then I'd realise they're not the big, scary beings my brain has made them out to be. But I hold on to my grudges, it takes a long time for me to forgive people. I'm not planning on being like this all my life, I'm not proud of it and I hope to repair things at some point in the future. I just don't know if I'm ready to confront it all yet. When I was in Liverpool, I was in tears, and that was just because
he used to live there, I know he doesn't live there any more. So I don't know, basically. I'm planning on talking about it at the group tonight, we'll see what they have to say about it all.
On a happier note, after finding that someone had beheaded the poppy in my window box, a few days ago
a new one appeared which made me happy. Then yesterday Alex and I left to go to SHIP and I found
it had grown a friend! It made me smile.
Alex is going home tonight, leaving us both hugless again. I don't have any plans for the weekend, though perhaps I might make my own entertainment with my brand new
devil duckie.
12:54
