Monday, May 10
I was going to rant about how crap I'm feeling and what a bad day I've had, when I discovered Blogger have redesigned their site and added lots of new features, and I forgot about what I was meant to be writing - oooh! new shiny thing! Erm, I think it went something along the lines of being fat, ugly, useless, unmotivationable (is that a word?), lazy and so on. Rory's trying to inspire me to do some exercise but it only makes me feel more depressed. I feel like a jelly - wobbly, and full of horse bones. No, ok, maybe not a jelly. But something similar.
Plus I had a bad day at Swarthmore. We were doing false batik and I was doing a design with some fish and an octopus, but I couldn't control the tools properly and splotched wax everywhere I didn't want it and generally just made a dog's arse of everything. Later, I was online and someone linked to a site where you could upload your photograph and give yourself a makeover. I couldn't find any suitable shots, so I took a fresh one. My skin looked yellow and you could see all the (huge) spots on my forehead.
Ok, not everything went wrong today. I walked to Swarthmore and back and it was lovely seeing all the trees and flowers in bloom. And in the mosaic class, I finally finished sticking all my pieces of glass to my board, which was a great feeling of satisfaction. But the overwhelming emotion is despair. Despair at myself for being so crap, despair of not being able to see a feasible way out (because Rory's solutions don't seem feasible to me), and just a huge urge to crawl into bed and listen to
Tori Amos and
Songs: Ohia all night.
I need a
hug.
21:00
