OK, so I haven't blogged the Big Important Conversation I had earlier in the week. The gist of it goes as follows.
Rory and I have both recently signed up to
Orkut. We were discussing what each other had put in their profiles and I commented on the fact that his relationship status is down as being "open relationship". Personally I don't feel as if I am in a relationship with him. When pressed for what I would classify as a relationship though, I found it hard to answer. It could be said that two (or more) people with a large emotional attachment to each other are in one, and more so if they rely on each other for some necessity, whether it be money, food, sex, emotional support, or any other examples. If you look at it like that, Rory and I are very much in a relationship. I guess I stopped considering myself as being in one when I stopped being sexually attracted to him and the amount of sexual acts we did with each other dropped to near zero. However there is a huge emotional attachment which I can't deny or ignore, and wouldn't want to. I rely on him for encouragement, support, praise, help, advice, and many other things, including an internet connection, a good source of porn, book and music recommendations, hugs and, admittedly quite rarely, a fun time in time in bed. If I left my profile displaying my relationship status as single, some people could get the wrong idea. Rory pointed out that if he was a stranger who got to know me, and was under the impression I was single, when he would eventually discover Rory, he would probably be quite shocked and feel misled. And it's true. He said what if it was the same for him? If I consider myself single, then surely he's free to go and form a new relationship with whom ever he chooses. I thought about that and realised that should it happen, I wouldn't react very well at all, and it's most likely that the same things would happen as what happened when Simon formed a new relationship. The thought of treating Rory like that upset me quite a bit, and so it became obvious that although some people may not classify the interaction between Rory and I as a relationship, it certainly was not not a relationship (if you follow).
Some hard thinking was required, some reassessment of myself and his place within my world. I decided that it's probably best if I also say I'm in an open relationship, though that doesn't fully explain what exactly goes on. The only way I could properly describe it is by saying "I have a Rory" but that means nothing to most people. It's a difficult position, but not one I'd rather I wasn't in. I owe so much to him, and he to me (though my lack of self-belief and self-confidence doesn't feel good saying it) and the only thing I'd exchange our relationship for is the same interaction we have with each other but with someone who was slim, tattooed, pierced, had dyed hair and was female. But I could just be saying that because I was looking at
Suicide Girls again today.
22:37
