Sunday, February 8
Despite there being no need, I'm feeling as if I should respond to the accusations thrown at me from
Car Crash Blogs. I never stop complaining? Well why should I? Being content with everything in the world is a sign of blandness, of self-centred obsession, of being able to ignore all the horror and atrocities which are committed every day in this world and which most people choose to forget about, convincing themselves that it isn't really happening, or it doesn't actually exist. I don't want to be like that. I want to complain, to argue, to refuse to accept life as it is, to want to make changes, to carry on striving for something better, something different, to look for new experiences, new ways, new worlds. I don't want to be content and happy. In that sense, happiness is death. I want to be one of the people who stands up and tries to make a difference, I want to matter.
If I talk about what I eat or why I'm depressed, it's because these things are important. I have depression. I have an (unspecified, unclassifiable) eating disorder. What I eat is crucial to how I feel. And it should be obvious that how I feel is the most significant aspect of my life at any one point. This is why they are mentioned here. I need to keep a record. And whilst I'm on about this particular record, no one's being forced (to the best of my knowledge) to read this blog. People do so through choice. If you're reading to make fun of me and laugh at what I write, it's still a choice. If what I write isn't to your pleasing, then bugger off and read someone else's blog. I'm writing for me, not for anyone else. If I'm being truly honest, I publish what I write because (1) it's an extra section to my site, (2) provides me with more hits, and (3) there's a chance someone who's having similar problems to me may read this and find some kind of help through it. It's the basis of the self-help groups - sharing experience in the hope that others will find it useful, in any way, to hear what you have to say. Even if it's only, "My god, I'll never do that! How stupid of her!" at least it's ruled out that option for them. In any case, I wouldn't want to please everybody. I like the fact that some people dislike what I write here. It's far superior to generate negative feelings in an audience than to leave them feeling slightly dull but with neither a sense of adoration nor abhoration. I want to make people
feel things, what it is they experience is irrelevant to me. So really, what the Car Crash writer said about me, is actually a great compliment.
15:21
